Sunday, January 24, 2016


It most likely began generations ago, repeatedly carried down from parent to child. At least, that's what most medical journals indicate. Being a scapegoat myself, I can tell you it's not an easy role in life to play. There are many reasons why a child is singled out. It could be we remind them of someone they disliked or have a personality that calls them out. I'm not going to dig into the numerous reasons why since I'm not a licensed medical practitioner or psychologist. If you desire a more in-depth explanation you can check out the links below.

What I do know is we are not the "bad ones" or "trouble makers." We are simply victims of bullying. And I don't believe labeling them as bad will help us to heal. Keep in mind, they too may have been scapegoats in their childhood. Regardless, we are all doing the best we know how to do. Don't mistaken this comment as an excuse for their behavior, because it is not.

In order for me to heal the deep wounds that defined me, I needed to disconnect. After numerous failed attempts to resolve the issue verbally, I finally realized my only option was to walk away. Cutting ties may not be your choice and that's for you to decide. Our commonality is being scapegoats, however, it ends there since every situation has its own unique circumstance.

I believe we all have a mission in life. Prior to coming into a physical form, we set the stage so that we can experience certain emotions. The rejection, blame, frustration and anger I experienced being a scapegoat prepared me for a much greater purpose. These valuable lessons were essential for me to accomplish my ultimate goal. Remember, everything in life has a purpose. It's up to us to find out the 'why'.

Are you a Family Scapegoat?

Friday, December 11, 2015


Today is my first chemo treatment. I am very nervous about the side effects. Hopefully, all the medications the doctors prescribe prevents or, at least, keeps them to a minimum.  Once I know what to expect I think I'll feel more at ease with the next five months of treatment ahead of me. By the end of April chemo will be complete and radiation treatments will begin.

After two months of radiation, all that remains is reconstruction. Hopefully, by the end of the summer, I'll feel normal again. I've never wanted time to pass as quickly as I do today. I just keep visualizing myself looking back at this experience as a successful journey of life. With an emphasis on "Successful".

Saturday, October 31, 2015


Most of my adult life I've had an insatiable desire to understand death. To understand who we are, the meaning of our physical existence and what life after death is like. Now at the ripe old age of fifty-two I am potentially facing my own death. Soon I could be one among the many souls who have passed on before me. The thought is surreal.

Will anyone try to contact me or will I care if they do? All the near death experiences I've read (and there have been many) describe the afterlife as magical. The love felt is beyond any love we've ever experienced here. Most accounts of near-death experiences don't want to return to physical reality. Regardless of hearing this heartfelt conviction about the afterlife I still don't want it to end. At least not yet.

After discovering I had breast cancer, I believed a mastectomy was the best course of action. Believe me, this was not an easy decision. I'm now recovering from surgery. Yesterday I learned I have stage 3 cancer, so chemo and radiation are going to be part of the treatment.

I do believe we create our own reality though still trying to figure out why I would want to experience this. Maybe I'll uncover why with each triumph I overcome. So far I've learned that I am so very blessed to have my husband Jim's love, support, and shoulders to lean on.    

Monday, September 14, 2015


The dreaded word most people don't even want to speak out loud. This dreaded word is cancer. Hearing you have cancer takes your breath away. Then your mind shuts down. It's like stepping out of your body viewing the world through someone else's eyes. At least this is how I felt.

I found out less than a week ago I have breast cancer. A type of cancer that can spread to the lump nodes and throughout the body. Don't know yet if this cancer is just in my breast though I do know from the ultrasound a few lump nodes look affected. It's not until you have the breast or lump removed and tissue is tested do you discover what stage and if it's spread. It's the most unnerving waiting game roller coaster experience.

So, here I wait for my next appointment to discover what comes next. After surgery, I'll discover either more dreaded details or breathe a sigh of relief it hasn't spread further.

Several people have said to me it's okay to be mad at God. Being mad at God hasn't crossed my mind. I'm mad at myself, which I guess in essence is kind of being mad at God since I believe we're an expression of God. However, it was my free will to be stressed out all the time and to smoke cigarettes. So, no I'm not mad at God. I think I'm being given a wake-up call. It's time to make some life changes.

I believe I'm going to be okay. Whether my belief is wishful thinking I also believe you receive what you believe. I have a difficult road ahead of me, but it will eventually come to an end. I pray for all the people out there experiencing a similar experience with this dreaded "C" word. I believe when we come together anything is possible! Love and blessings to you all.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015


I was about five years old when I began to contemplate my mortality. More accurately my death. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of not existing. Of disappearing from this earth and going to a place called heaven. Not my body, of course, but my soul.

I didn't understand what a soul was. What part of me reflecting back in the mirror was my soul? I believed my soul was someone or something outside of myself. I don't remember why, but a voice in my head started haunting me. I'm here, but I'm not really here because one day I will die and cease to exist. This phrase haunted me for years. I can't begin to describe the overwhelming fear I felt everytime I heard it. Fear raced through my body until it was difficult to breath.

I was haunted by this phrase until I was about seven years old. I will never forget the night this fear of death faded away. It occured one night while walking home from Brownies, a  junior branch of the Girl Scouts, an organization for young girls. It was a warm beautiful autumn night. The wind was wildly blowing sweeping the discarded leaves up off the ground and into the air. It was like they came to life dancing above and around me inviting me to join in. I sensed a presence. A loving playful presence. I could hear her voice whisper, "come dance with me". Smiling broadly, I lifted my arms up high above my head and began to twirl around and about together with the leaves. I even heard her giggle, as I danced.

Soon after, I noticed I was standing in the middle of the street in front of my home. An overwhelming sadness filled my heart. I wasn't ready to say goodbye. It was then that she whispered into my mind "go swing for a while." Smiling at her suggestion, I quietly snuck into the backyard and slid onto the seat of the swing. Vigorously pumping my legs back and forth, I climbed higher and higher then suddenly stopped dropping my head back and allowing my body to go limp. At first, I gazed up at the stars then closed my eyes focusing on her loving presence wrapping around me. It was the most amazing feeling I have ever felt.

I didn't question who this presence was or where she came from. All I remember is how she made me feel. I never wanted this encounter to end. I believe she was the one who motivated me to go inside the house because I could have stayed there forever. From the reaction of my parents, I must have been outside for quite some time.

After this spiritual encounter I never felt anxiety about my death. Today I believe this spirit was an angel. Sometimes when I meditate I can see a spark of bright light dancing to the left of my peripheral vision and I can feel the same playful loving energy. As a child I referred to her as The Wind and Dancing Leaves.

Every Autumn I remember this magical experience and thank her for washing away my fear of death. We don't end, we are eternal. 

Friday, July 17, 2015


If you don't already have Doreen Virtue Angel Numbers 101 book I highly recommend purchasing one. Numerical guidance messages I feel are the easiest form of communication with spirit guides and angels. Of course never dismiss any innate personal meanings you believe you're receiving. The fact is we all have this inner knowing, however, dismiss it more often than not. We don't trust ourselves.

Until we're reading to trust our inner knowing, Doreen's book is an extremely helpful tool. It's a small, easy to cart around book for quick access. I don't know about you, but I'm being bombarded with numerical messages.

The numbers I keep seeing are 9, 13, and 33, however, not in that order. Thirty-three was the first number. In the book, it states I have a strong and clear connection. Further stating my call is being answered to keep praying.

The second number I received was thirteen. This number signified female masters were assisting me. They're also helping me to remain positive. Then the last number nine tells me to get to work, calling me a lightworker. Further stating I've completed all prerequisites to achieve my life purpose. It says it's time to start taking action. Even if I begin with baby steps now is the time for transition.

The funny thing is I already felt it was time to close the door on this chapter in my life making room for the next. Fear of the unknown was stopping me. The "what if's" kept closing the door on the possibility of taking the leap. The simple truth is life is full of the unknown. I suppose if we knew what our future held it would be boring.

The answers were already inside of me. We have to believe in our innate knowing. Trust it. Then let go.

Sunday, June 21, 2015


I decided to revisit the books written by Jane Roberts about the channeled spirit named Seth. As I flipped through Seth Speaks, I stumbled upon the part where he talks about intense electromagnetic vortexes located around the world. Seth describes these locations as dimensional intersections. The point where all dimensions of existence overlap.

At these overlapping intersections, the energy vibration is heightened along with our ability to manifest and communicate with other dimensions of reality. Researching I discovered many ancient structures such as the Pyramids, Stonehenge, and Easter Island are all located on sites where the electromagnetic energy registers higher.

Evidence discovered by archeologist indicate that these sites are considered sacred by ancient peoples. These sites are where they regularly performed sacred ceremonies to the gods. Did they know about these intersection energy vortexes? If so, how did they discover them?

Today we are so inundated with external stimuli I believe we have lost our ability to feel this heightened energy. Personal experience with meditation has shown me that we can connect if we learn to shut out the many distractions of our current world.

Someday I hope to visit one of these energy vortex locations but until then I do believe we can tap into this interdimensional communication where ever we are. Below is a map pinpointing seven locations that correspond to the seven major chakras. Please leave a comment if you have more information about these vortexes. I'd love to learn more.